The Fag Challenge II - The Cigars Revenge!!


The Mission!
Well, so much for the Hollywood title, but this indeed a sequel to the box office hit, 'The Fag Challenge', and like most sequels, its a bit of a let down, nevermind! This time, I went on holiday to Lanzarote and thought after years of heavy smoking, Thomas and Kevin required something a little stronger. Now imagine my delight when I found all these packs of cigars, each cheaper than a half litre of local beer (Imperial pints sound so much better!!!).
The Cigars!

Ok, first of all, lets dash your expectations that these are all top of the range Cuban cigars, they're not. They're what economy chicken nuggets are to the cuisine world, they look crap, taste nasty and will probably kill you! Anyway, as you'll be able to see from the picture below, I went for a variety of sizes, there names are:
- Plameros Minitos

- Vanilla Aromatics
- AXX, Filter Flavor!
- Exquisitos
- Capote Tipavama

The Deathsticks!!
  Now, you may think that the term 'death sticks' is some what harsh, but take a peek at the fine human examples below. This is what you end up looking like if you smoke cigars, notice the lack of hands supporting these beast cigars, they are all clearly 'pros' with years of experience. The middle photo is actually a photo from my holiday, years of smoking have clearly affected her sight. Not only is she wearing glasses thicker than a fish tank, judging by her dress sense she also appears to be colour blind. In men it would seem to encourage the use of bandanas and the growth of facial hair.

The Testing!

Right, so onto the testing itself. Thomas and Kev knew that I had brought back something for them to try, but I didn't say what until the day. I made sure I hid the cigars from them, just so they couldn't see how nasty some of them were. I presented them on glass plate, filled my drink up and then enticed everyone out side. First up was the Vanilla Aromatics, lets see what people thought

Vanilla Aromatics ...

Right, this one had a filter built in and looked very much like a brown cigarette, break them in gentle was the thinking. Anyway, Thomas sparked it up (as you can see above) and had a couple of lungfulls. Unfortunately Thomas wasn't forthcoming with an opinion and passed it to Kevin, who then after a couple of goes, passed it back. The Adjectives started flowing at this point, but not as I expected. Bearing in mind that this is a 'Vanilla' flavor Cigar, Thomas said it was synthetic and tasted of smoke. To my surprise, it then passed it over to Liz, then Nikki not wanting to miss out on the action had a blast afterwards. After another go, Kev described as a big cigarette that tasted muddy, Nikki also described it as a cigarette that was horrid and pathetic (she probably thinks the same when she plays with my one eyed snake!!). Liz strangely said that it was a fish cigar, eh? Bearing in mind that this was a Vanilla flavor cigar, I asked them what they thought it tasted of. Kevin and Thomas agreed that it tasted muddy, Liz kept to the fish line and Nikki couldn't taste anything. None of them really seemed to like this one, maybe they weren't quite getting into it as this was the first one, maybe it really was a muddy fish stick?!

Capote Tipavama...

Wow, now these looked like something out the 30's with a nice plastic thing that you used to smoke the cigar instead of putting it in your mouth. We certainly didn't pay any extra for this novelty, at €1.95 for 5. These were a long, thin cigar, but would would panel of cigar judges think. As soon as Thomas started smoking it, I noticed that it smelt alot more like a cigar. Thomas said that its 'quite good' and sophisticated because of the plastic thing. Kevin passionately said 'this has got heat', maybe its meant as a warming cigar for those long winter nights in Spain, although knowing Kev, he probably just burnt himself with those giant hands of his, he wondered if maybe the plastic thing helped? Liz then had a go, saying the cigar had soul and how it tastes of cucumber, what did this girl eat for dinner!! She later proclaimed that it was miles better than the previous one. Nikki's turn, she agreed that it was better than the last one and that it has an ash smell, but it was alot stronger. Thomas has a last go on it, he now says it smells of manure and then after a nice big lungful, says its good as he lets out a giant cough, so the general view is good.


Exquisitos... Inquisitive we were, as soon as these came out the packet, they looked the proper thing, a long, think, dark cigar, and at €1.90 for 5, they're a steal! So, first up is Thomas, the size instantly impresses him, saying that it looks like a perrorami, he also goes on to add that its robust and solid, over all, he liked it. Kevin then tries it and is equally impressed, he describes it as tasty and meaty (Kevin has been a vegetarian for the last year, maybe he secret misses sausage!) and it has body. Liz, who has unbelievably started smoking a cigarette, then grabs it off Kevin and described it as Moorish, but that's about it. Nikki only described this one as not bad, but I think at this point, the smoke and drinks were getting a bit much. So we retired for what was meant to be 30mins.

Whilst inside, Nikki got the munchies, foolishly she let Steven and Maccas make her a sandwich, they also made a couple of others and it was not a pretty sight! As Dolby has about 3 weeks off work afterscrewing up his knee in Envy, he's sitting at home having about as much fun as someone at a clinic being told they have herpies. So, he's written up 'The Sandwich Challenge' on his website, as you can see from below, its well worth a read!

Palmeros Mintos...

So, at some point later that night, I think it was a good 2 hours later, we decided to come back outside and continue. After the sandwich she ate, Nikki couldn't stomach anymore so dropped out, and with Thomas, Kevin and I all well on our way, the adjectives were flying. Tom started off.... 'Oh this is good', maybe this was because he hadn't anything to smoke for an hour or so? Anyway, after a few goes he said its stubbon, eh? The main issue he found from it is that it doesn't give much smoke. Over to Kev and like Tom, he said 'its great' and then later said its like sucking on straw. Then on to Liz who didn't actually like this one, she advised her that it tastes of Indian food and smells of an Indian house! They continue to pass it around, Tom continues to say that its stubbon and then says "it's just smoke really, isn't it", that's the thing, it all is my dear boy!


Axx... Well, what a weird name. Like the Vanilla Aromatics, they have a filter and look just like a Cigarette. These were the most expensive at €2.70, and they box they came in was top quality as far as cardboard and paper goes! Thomas summed this one up quite early on, saying 'its the best because its small like a fag and tastes of cigar'. At this point he started trying to tell me how a Cigarette is actually a sort of small cigar, I'll take his word for it! On to Kevin, he described them as match sticks that taste of birthday candles with an almost 'zippy chemical tang', apart from that it's agreeable for him though. All Liz could say, is that it tastes of cigar, not so suprising that, considering its a cigar, still its better than Indian, cucumber and fish ones that she's had earlier in the night! Back over to Thomas who had more to say about it, he described it has honest... 'what you see is what you get' and then Kev and Tom start saying 'wys i wyg' or wizi wig constantly, can't remember why! Still, that was all of them over and done with.


The Scores!

So, taking all of this into account, what were the 'scores' for each Cigar

Brand Price Tom Kev Nikki Liz Total
Vanilla Aromatics 2.10 (12 pack) 3 2 2 5 5
Capote Tipavama 1.95 (5 pack) 8 6 5 5 14
Exquisitos 1.90 (5 pack) 8 8 6 5 16
Palmeros Mintos 1.55 (20 pack) 4 7 5 11
Axx 2.70 (10 pack) 7 7 5 14

No, I've only taken Thomas's and Kevins scores into account as they're they ony ones who completed it and scored seriously. So similar to last time, the 2nd cheapest won, although you only got 5 of them, the Exquisitos was a large cigar, especially for a packet one. No-one really smokes cigars so unlike last time, they haven't all been thieved. Still, its a week after the event, and they're still at Thomas's house, we're all off to Nikki's later so we'll try them again and still see if they think the same. As we were just standing around the table, I asked them 'if given a choice, what one's would you choose'. Liz and Thomas both chose the Capote, all because it had a plastic thing on the end! Thomas then went searching for one and got all distressed when he couldn't find one, so had a Vanilla one instead, even though no-one could actually taste it! Kevin went for end meaty Exquisitos, which having tried myself, i thought it was quite good. Liz also added that the Copote is 'good because you smoke it like a fag, yet its a cigar', personally I don't know any cigarettes with great lumps of plastic on the end. She also pointed out that the Palmeros Mintos looked like asda economy fags, but later described them as great. The only great thing about Asda is that it attracts all the scummy shoppers so you don't have to put up with them in proper super markets.


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